Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Rotten to the Corre- Episode VI: If Ya Smell...

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Wade: If Kane and Big Show think that teaming with Santino and Kozlov at Wrestlemania is enough to even the odds, then they’re naïve.

Ezekiel: You got that right.

Wade: We’ve done nothing but embarrass and overpower Kane and Big Show. You’d think that, when finding help, they’d get men who are even bigger and stronger than they are.

Ezekiel: I hear you, Wade.

Wade: Sure, Kozlov has brute force, but not enough to take us down. Add in that Santino is nothing more than a human punching bag and we’ve got ourselves an easy victory at Wrestlemania.

Ezekiel: Damn straight!

Wade: I wouldn’t mind it so much had they chosen wrestlers who we haven’t decimated time and time again.

Ezekiel: You mean superstars.

Wade: What?

Ezekiel: You called Santino and Kozlov wrestlers, when they’re actually superstars. According to WWE, anyway.

Wade: Who cares what they’re referred as?!? Come Wrestlemania, they’ll be road kill!

Ezekiel: I think WWE would care.

Wade: Since when did we care about the WWE?

*Ezekiel stands there stroking his chin, thinking about the question for a good while.*

Ezekiel: They pay us?

Wade: Fine! That’s one good thing they do!

Ezekiel: We all know you need more income for your already sizable bank account.

Wade: You’ve been playing Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 again, haven’t you?

*Ezekiel puts his head down in shame.*

Ezekiel: Yes, sir.

Wade: What did I tell you about playing that game?

Ezekiel: That it’s nothing more than a distraction than my real duty, which is watch over the Corre and make sure nothing goes wrong.

Wade: Exactly!

Ezekiel: If it’s any consolation, you’re my World Heavyweight Champion in Universe Mode.
Wade: That’s nice, but it doesn’t mean much. Heath holds all the gold in his copy, which we all know is impossible.

*Wade waits for Heath to whine and retaliate, but is met with silence. Wade looks around to notice that both Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel are missing.*

Wade: Where the hell are Heath and Justin?

Ezekiel: They’re getting The Rock’s autograph.

Wade: Excuse me?

Ezekiel: They’re getting The Rock’s autograph.

Wade: I know what you said!

Ezekiel? Then why did you say excuse me? That led me to believe you didn’t hear me. You shouldn’t mess with people’s emotions like that, Wade.

Wade: How is that messing with your emotions?

Ezekiel: You see…

Wade: It’s a rhetorical question. Follow me!

Ezekiel: Where are we going?

Wade: We’re going to get Heath and Justin and end this charade.

Ezekiel: Why?

Wade: It’s a…

Ezekiel: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY WE’RE GETTING HEATH AND JUSTIN!

*Wade stares in shock at Ezekiel.*

Wade: Why does everybody keep doing that to me?

Ezekiel: It’s fun to…

Wade: Rhetorical question, Ezekiel!

Ezekiel: Sorry.

Wade: Don’t be sorry. Just don’t do it again. Now, let’s go!

*Wade and Ezekiel leave their locker room and hunt for Heath and Justin. They bump into Zack Ryder in the hallway.*

Wade: Zack, have you seen Heath and Justin?

Zack: Yeah, bro. They’re waiting in line to get The Rock’s autograph.

Wade: There’s a line?
Zack: Yeah, broski.

Wade: Let me guess. You got his autograph?

Zack: Woo woo woo, you know it!

*Wade stares a hole through Zack Ryder.*

Wade: Where is the autograph session at?

Zack: Right down this hallway and take a right.

Wade: Let’s go, Ezekiel!

*Wade and Ezekiel begin to walk towards the end of the hallway. Ezekiel stays behind and stops Zack Ryder.*

Ezekiel: Hey Zack, do you think I could get one of those Woo Woo Woo headbands?

Zack: Definitely, sweet tea!

*Zack grabs a headband out of his back pocket and hands it to Ezekiel.*

Zack: Buy my shirt and I’ll give you an autograph. I may even make you my Broski of the Week on my show.

Ezekiel: You would do that for me?

Zack: Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. For now, enjoy the headband.

*Ezekiel puts the headband on and giggles. He quickly catches up with Wade at the autograph session.*

Wade: Can you believe this, Ezekiel? A bunch of grown men standing around waiting for an autograph from a man who thinks the phrase, “Sour cream on an ice cream sandwich” is a thing of beauty?

*Curt Hawkins and Trent Barreta turn around and confront Wade.*

Curt: That man just so happens to be one of the best superstars to ever lace up a pair of boots.

Trent: He’s also one of the hottest movie stars in Hollywood today.

*Wade begins to laugh uncontrollably.*

Wade: You two are right. Not only is his sharpshooter “picture perfect”, but “The Tooth Fairy” is this decade’s “Gone with the Wind”.

Trent: I liked “The Tooth Fairy”!

Wade: I’m sure you did.

Trent: What’s that supposed to mean?

Wade: It means go back to Superstars where you belong!

*Curt and Trent stare at each other puzzled.*
Curt: That made no sense, whatsoever.

Wade: Neither does your career!

Ezekiel: BURN!

*Curt and Trent run away crying, as Wade and Ezekiel cut in line. They see Heath and Justin at the front, both getting The Rock’s autograph.*

Wade: Heath! Justin! Come here, now!

Heath: One minute, Dad. We’re getting The Rock’s autograph!

Wade: I know, that’s the problem.

Justin: Why?

Wade: Do you know how pathetic it is, as a grown man and a member of The Corre, to beg for his autograph?

Heath: We’re not begging. He’s simply giving it to us.

Wade: I don’t care if he’s shining his boot up and shoving it up his own ass! The fact of the matter is…

*The Rock stands out of his chair, removes his sunglasses and stares a hole into Wade Barrett.*

Rock: What in the blue hell is your problem?

Wade: You!

Rock: Is that so?

Wade: Yes, Rocky, it is so. Your type bothers me.

Rock: What do you mean by my type?

Wade: I mean…

Rock: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU MEAN!

Wade: That’s exactly why I hate you! Do you know how many people have been doing that to me lately?

Rock: Including me, three.

Wade: How did you know that?

Rock: Lucky guess.

Wade: You keep up your routine and you won’t be so lucky.

Rock: If I were you, I’d turn around and walk away right now.

Wade: If I don’t?

Rock: Then The Rock is going to shine up his boot…
Wade: ..shove it sideways and stick it straight up my candy ass, right?

Rock: How dare you interrupt The Rock?

Wade: How dare you walk back into this company and act as if you own the place? The Corre has tried their best to erase garbage such as you from this place and to stake our claim. Only for you to waltz back in here and act as if you never left.

Heath: I don’t mean to interrupt, but technically the only person associated with the WWE who is waltzing currently is Chris Jericho.

Wade & Rock: SHUT UP, HEATH!

Rock: Let The Rock inform you of something, Wade. You think you’re so special, simply because you brainwashed a couple of guys into believing your hype. I know this, because I’ve been there. I too once thought I was the hottest prospect to ever step foot into the WWE. I convinced a couple of fellows that I was going to take them into the stratosphere and dominate this company. They believed me, only to regret it later.

Justin: He’s referring to the Nation of Domination.

Wade: I know what he’s referring to, Justin! It doesn’t matter, as The Corre is not some two-bit operation. Unlike the Nation, we are taking over the WWE and will dominate this company.

Ezekiel: It says so in my theme.

*The Rock stares at Ezekiel, then begins to laugh.*

Rock: Your headband says otherwise.

*Wade notices the headband and rips it off of Ezekiel’s head.*

Wade: What the hell is your problem?!? You’re making us look like fools!

Rock: Ezekiel isn’t making you look like fools, Wade. You are!

Wade: I’ve had enough of your attitude! Heath, Justin, Ezekiel, back to the locker room!

*Dejectedly, the three Corre members follow Wade back to their locker room. Before they turn the corner, Wade stops and gets The Rock’s attention once more.*

Wade: By the way, Rock, how does it feel to be back in the WWE?

Rock: It feels pretty…

Wade: IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW IT FEELS!

*Everybody stares blankly at Wade, not believing what they just heard. Wade laughs and walks back to the locker room.*

Cena: BURN!

Rock: Where the hell did you come from?

Cena: I was getting a hot dog and overheard the conversation.

Rock: Good for you, ya jabroni!

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