Rotten to the Corre- Episode VII: Will the Real Wade Barrett Please Stand Up

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*Wade Barrett sits in a chair in the corner of the locker room. His head is down in shame and he won’t speak to anybody. Justin and Ezekiel have spent the past hour trying to get a word out of him, but to no avail. Heath Slater walks into the room.*

Heath: Hey, guys! Is Wade talking again yet?

Ezekiel: Nope.

Justin: I thought I heard a “What?”, but that turned out to be a burp.

Heath: Are you sure Austin didn’t walk by?

Justin: I’m sure. He’s holed up in his locker room scouring the internet trying to find out who Melina and Alicia Fox are.

Heath: Any way I can help?

Justin: You could give him a copy of last year’s Summerslam.

Heath: I meant with Wade!

Justin: Oh. You give it a shot, but I highly doubt you’ll get a rise out of him.

*Heath grabs a chair and sits next to Wade.*

Wade: Hey, buddy! How’s it going?

*Wade just stares blankly at the wall.*

Heath: That’s a good looking wall. It’s no Jerry Tuite, though.

*Wade just stares blankly at the wall.*

Heath: Look, I know you’re upset over our loss at Wrestlemania.

Ezekiel: And out beat down from Rock and Cena on Raw.

Heath: That, too!

Ezekiel: And our loss on Smackdown to Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi again.

*Wade starts to look disgusted.*

Heath: You’re not helping, Ezekiel!

Ezekiel: It’s true, though.

Heath: That’s beside the point.

Ezekiel: No, it’s the actual point. We keep losing, that’s why he’s sad.

Heath: I know that’s why he’s sad. I’m saying drilling into his head won’t help matters.

Ezekiel: It could. Maybe if he faces the facts, he’ll be able to overcome them.

Justin: That might actually work.

Heath: Fine! We’ll try it. Wade, it’s a fact that we’ve been getting our asses handed to us more times than Lindsay Lohan’s been to rehab. That doesn’t change the fact that we’re champions and are the most dominating faction on Smackdown.

Ezekiel: We’re the only faction on Smackdown.

Heath: Which makes us the most dominant!

*Wade looks even more disgusted.*

Heath: That only seemed to make things worse, guys. We need a new plan.

Justin: Let him insult you.

Heath: What?!?

Justin: Let him insult you. That always makes him feel better.

Heath: Alright. Hey Wade, what do you think of me?

*Wade stares blankly at the wall.*

*Heath starts poking Wade and flipping his hair into his face. Wade still doesn’t respond.*

Heath: Fine! If you don’t want to talk, then how about writing?

*Heath whips out his iPhone and logs onto Wade’s Twitter account.*

Justin: How do you know Wade’s password?

Heath: I guessed his password.

Justin: What was it?

Heath: Heath’s an idiot! All caps.

Justin: Go figure.

Heath: Alright, Wade, here’s your chance to vent. I’ve already typed in “Heath Slater is a…”

*Heath hands the phone over to Wade, who proceeds to pound on the keyboard. He hits submit and hands the phone back to Heath.*

Ezekiel: What’s it say?

Heath: Heath Slater is a nice guy.

*Heath looks stunned.*

Heath: Oh my God! THIS ISN’T THE REAL WADE BARRETT!

*Heath begins to freak out, as Justin and Ezekiel try to calm him down. That doesn’t work, as he runs into the hallway screaming his lungs out.*

Heath: WHERE’S THE REAL WADE BARRETT?!?

*He runs into Zack Ryder and Primo.*

Heath: Have you guys seen the real Wade Barrett?

Zack: There’s a fake one.

Primo: Yeah. They’re called the FCW roster.

Zack: BURN!

Heath: Have you seen him or not?

Zack: No, broski!

*Heath runs away and continues screaming. He bumps into JTG.*

Heath: Have you seen the real Wade Barrett?

JTG: Nah, dawg. I am looking for a fake Shad, though, to replace the original one. Is Ezekiel still with you guys?

Heath: Yes, and he doesn’t plan on leaving!

JTG: Okay, chill Wendy!

Heath: Stop calling me Wendy!

JTG: Stop looking like her!

Heath: Touche.

*Heath runs away, searching for the real Wade Barrett. He bumps into Tyler Reks.*

Heath: Have you seen… Matt Hardy, what are you doing here? I thought you left.

Tyler: I’m not Matt Hardy! I’m Tyler Reks.

Heath: Who?

Tyler: I’m Tyler Reks. I used to be a surfer on ECW; I teamed with Yoshi Tatsu; I’m now doing a Charles Manson impersonation.

Heath: Why are you stealing CM Punk’s gimmick?

Tyler: He doesn’t have a Charles Manson gimmick.

Heath: Fooled me. That still doesn’t explain who you are.

Tyler: *sighs* I was the one who freaked out on the airplane last year.

Heath: Oh, now I remember you! We all made Twilight Zone jokes for weeks!

Tyler: Yeah, I know. It was annoying and juvenile.

Heath: Don’t let it get to you. Just move past it and get on with your life. Besides, weren’t you offered a gig on a USA show?

Tyler: No.

Heath: Really? I could have sworn I heard that somewhere.

Tyler: What show am I supposed to be on?

Heath: In Plain Sight.

*Heath starts laughing wildly.*

Tyler: Why you little…

*Tyler chases Heath through the hallway. Heath finds refuge in Teddy Long’s office. He locks the door and breathes a sigh of relief.*

Teddy: What’s your deal, playa?

Heath: Tyler Reks is chasing me.

Teddy: Who’s Tyler Reks?

Heath: Big guy, afraid of planes, looks like Matt Hardy.

Teddy: That’s not Matt Hardy?!?

Heath: No. I couldn’t believe it, either.

Teddy: Now I feel bad. I’ve been punishing him by banishing him to Superstars for nothing.

Heath: Why were you punishing Matt Hardy?

Teddy: He stole my grapes, playa!

Heath: What a crime.

Teddy: Are you mocking me, playa? If so, I’ll make you go one on one with da Undertaka!

Heath: I’m not mocking you. Though you do need to have a better back up plan than Undertaker. He’s not going to be around for much longer.

Teddy: Who would you suggest?

Heath: How about Wade Barrett? He’s been feeling down lately, since we’re always losing.

Teddy: Tell him he shouldn’t feel down. He’s the Intercontinental Champion and is very successful over here on Smackdown. It’d be a huge loss for me if he went back to Raw.

Heath: Thanks, Teddy! I’ll tell him you said that.
Teddy: Not a problem, playa. I hope it helps! Oh, and this doesn’t mean I won’t give you guys hell.

Heath: I know, playa!

*Heath leaves the room and sees an angry Tyler Reks waiting for him.*

Heath: Tyler, I can explain.

Tyler: Explain it to my fist!

*As Tyler is about to hit Heath, Slater shouts at him.*

Heath: Teddy Long thought you were Matt Hardy, hence why you’re on Superstars!

*Irate, Tyler storms into Teddy’s office. Heath giggles and runs away. He returns to the locker room to find Wade smiling and chatting away with Justin and Ezekiel.*

Heath: You guys found the real Wade Barrett!

Wade: I was the real Wade Barrett all along, you fool!

Heath: That’s the Wade I know. How’d you guys fix him?

Justin: We just reminded him that, no matter how bad it gets for us, we’re not apart of the debacle known as the New Nexus.

Heath: Why didn’t I think of that?

Wade: You were too busy flipping your hair like an idiot!

*Heath Slater hugs Wade Barrett.*

Heath: It’s good to have you back, buddy!

*Heath is still hugging Wade.*

Wade: This is getting a little awkward now.

Heath: It’s not awkward. It’s guy love between two guys.

Justin: You said that was just between us!

Heath: How about a group hug, then?

Justin: Okay.

*All four members of the Corre hug each other, with Ezekiel striking a smile.*

Wade: Stop smiling, Ezekiel!